THE last time Alex Givney watched State of Origin, she was forced to call an ambulance for her husband Ben.
It was the moment the Wynnum Manly councillor’s world changed forever.
A spinal infection left Ben critically ill and facing the devastating prospect that he might never walk again.
There would be more than nine months in hospital, frightening days in intensive care, enormous uncertainty and an exhausting new reality for the couple and their two children, Charlie and Maggie.
One year on, Cr Givney recently surprised her husband with tickets to his first State of Origin match, hoping to replace the painful memory of that night with a happier one.
“Ben always loves watching Origin and had never been to a game,” she said.
“Despite the loss, it was wonderful to spend the night together and soak up the atmosphere at Suncorp.”
The night at Suncorp Stadium marked a precious moment in a year filled with fear, heartbreak, resilience and hope.
Cr Givney said one of the most devastating moments came during Ben’s early days in hospital.
“The biggest low was during the early days in ICU when the doctor offhandedly informed me Ben would probably never walk again,” she said.
“The uncertainty in those early days was hard, and I think I was in shock and probably didn’t really process what was happening at the time.”
But nine months later came a moment Cr Givney will never forget – watching Ben leave hospital on his feet.
“The biggest high was Ben walking out of the hospital with his walker and bringing him home in April,” she said.
“After over nine months in hospital, this was an incredible milestone and a moment I’ll never forget.”
Ben continues to make progress, but the family still does not know how far his recovery will take him.
Unlike a spinal fracture, his damage was caused by infection, leaving doctors unable to provide a clear prognosis.
“Ben continues to improve, but sadly there is no prognosis for spinal infections,” Cr Givney said.
“In Ben’s case it wasn’t a break. His spine was damaged through infection.
“We are unsure what the future holds for his recovery.
“We are unsure if he will be able to return to work as a carpenter, although his company are very keen to have him back in any capacity he is able.”
The ordeal has transformed everyday family life and forced the couple to learn how to navigate disability together.
“It has certainly changed our perspective on how to navigate life with a disability,” Cr Givney said.
“But it’s also made us appreciate each other more.
“There are so many things that Ben used to do around the house that I now notice are not being done.
“We’re all learning how to do things a little differently.”
Cr Givney said becoming her husband’s carer while raising their two children and serving as a councillor had been more difficult than she imagined.
“It is certainly not what we thought our 40s would be like,” she said.
“It’s still evolving, and taking the role as a carer is harder than I thought it would be.”
She said Ben was becoming more independent while carers and his mother helped her balance the competing demands.
Everyday tasks such as buying groceries, preparing meals, collecting medication and attending appointments must now be carefully planned.
“Every day is different – there is no normal,” Cr Givney said.
“We are lucky the kids are old enough to help with some of the household chores.
“Charlie loves cooking and Maggie is happy to help with shopping
“But we are mindful that we can’t just ‘wing it’ with life planning anymore.
“We can’t leave it until 5pm to decide what’s for dinner because Ben can’t just pop to the shops for extra veggies.”
Throughout the family’s darkest days, an extraordinary network of relatives, friends, neighbours, colleagues, hospital workers, churches and community members rallied around them.
Neighbours organised meals and babysitting, Ben’s mother visited the hospital almost daily and an old neighbour arrived unasked to mow the lawn.
About 70 family members and friends, including former colleagues Cr Givney had not seen for more than 15 years, descended on the family’s home for a working bee.
Her City Hall and ward office colleagues also stepped in, while community groups understood when she needed to leave events early to return home to her children.
“The best part of being part of a team is that you never have to do things alone,” Cr Givney said.
“They say it takes a village and we felt this every day during the past 12 months.”
She said the support shown to Ben, their children and herself was what stood out most when reflecting on the year.
“I am so thankful for the kindness and understanding that so many in our community have shown to Ben, the kids and I,” she said.
Her advice to people suddenly facing a caring role was to accept support even when doing so felt difficult.
“Lean on the experts, take one day at a time and don’t be afraid to ask for help,” she said.
“It’s hard to let go and allow others in, but I think it’s the only way to move through.”
Cr Givney hopes Ben will return to the activities he loves including fishing, gardening, bushwalking, camping and work.
“While I understand these might not be the same as prior to the infection, I am hopeful we can adapt so Ben can still live life to the fullest,” she said.
“As for me, I hope I can continue to serve as Councillor of Wynnum Manly now and the years to come.
“I am only just getting started on all the amazing things I would like to deliver for this incredible community.”
