ARE we ever fully prepared for the loss of a loved one?
In reality, we can’t be fully prepared even if death is anticipated.
It’s human nature to expect life and love to continue.
Early grief is shattering, it crushes us and breaks us into a million pieces.
Even if you believe yourself to be on top of the situation, along comes a phone call that’s got mixed up in translation and asks for your partner who has just passed away. Not their fault, but it still brings back those memories of not so long ago.
The reality is that in the days and weeks ahead there will be different emotions felt, crying for no apparent reason, having angry outbursts, cleaning out cupboards or when friends come over talking a lot.
Those weeks or months are a crazy time, so much to attend to, funeral arrangements, name changes, Centrelink adjustments, licences, shares and many more – actually some you may never realise you have to attend to. Some may occur months later.
It feels like you’re living in a dream world, losing touch with reality, not sure if it really happened. This can happen after a sudden death or an accident that you may not have been prepared for.
We are creatures of habit, we move through our lives with structure and purpose, now this has all been upended, a different situation, even though routines are the same, they have to be done in a different way.
Sometimes, time seems to race by, other times it goes so slow. We tend to be disoriented to the passage of time.
You want that person who died back. You miss them intensely. You want to go back in time to discuss things that were maybe left unsaid.
You couldn’t discuss some things as it seems inappropriate, yet waiting, you never get the chance to discuss the issues.
You might wake up feeling fatigued, yet you’ve had a good night’s sleep.
Don’t be concerned if tasks don’t get done straight away. Don’t expect too much of yourself.
It’s funny, but we all seem to want to go on for ever, yet there are many who would say they want to die, but the human mind is such that it wants to keep on living.
In 2023 it was believed that there were about 4250 people aged over 100 living in Australia, however by 2050 statisticians believe there will be more than 50,000.
(Thanks to Dr. Alan Wolfelt for some of the thoughts in this column).
